Betrayal

Ok, I'm having a rough day. I know it's to be expected, and is allowed ... hell, even encouraged!  On the outside, it's a beautiful day. The sunshine through autumn's leaf mosaic is enchanted. Cool, crisp, clear skies and a breeze make the colors pop and dance in mid-air.  And yet I sit inside.

I got a new TV for my office/craft room.  We cleaned the closet and the room in preparation ~ with a cable (yet to be purchased), I can connect my computer to the 23" TV and have a more awesome internet experience (so the ads say) ... hubby says I won't ever want to leave the room!  Yeah, just what I want to do ... stay inside and watch the world turn.

 In the cleaning and de-cluttering, I found a sampler I had made when I was 10 years old. The cross-stitch is okay - the straight stitch sucks. I made it, and it took me a while to read what it said! (I did improve with age ♥).  But it got me to thinking back .... when I was 10 years old and so very naive, when vicarious adventures of pioneer women were a favorite pastime; when the world was an open book; when "old" was 40.  

Fast forward 50+ years, and I  am still mostly seeing the world through the eyes of the open book called Internet. I am grateful to be able to share the adventures of my friends and many strangers, but there are places I want to go, things I want to see. Goodness knows, I'd be happy on a mushroom hunt in the woods! But my aging body parts and pieces tell my brain of its limitations so I sit inside, forays delayed because I am being betrayed by myself. How did all this time pass so quickly?  Why now, when I need so much to feel inspired by something, ANYTHING, are my eyes, lungs, knees, & hips conspiring against me?  

Maybe it's that winter is just around the corner. Maybe it's just the circumstances of my life right now that are genuinely beyond my control.  Whatever the reason, I am coming to realize that I need to do some of what I WANT to do, and soon, before more circumstances make it even more difficult.  I'm so happy to see that my children and the younger generations are learning that lesson earlier in life than I did. And eternally grateful for what I can see from inside my Windows overlooking the world.

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"I think over again my small adventures

My fears, those small ones that seemed so big

For all the vital things I had to get and reach

And yet there is only one great thing

The only thing

To live to see the great day that dawns

And the light that fills the world."

 

- Unknown Inuit